WERE you saddened to discover that telly wasn’t all soft porn after 9pm? You were probably gutted by these other childhood revelations too.
There was still no sex on telly after the watershed
You were sent to bed before 9pm every night because something mysterious called ‘the watershed’ happened, which you assumed meant all four channels started showing porn. When you finally got to watch evening programming it just turned out to be unerotic Panorama documentaries about salmonella.
Smoking in pubs is horrible
The thought of being grown-up enough to smoke a cigarette while drinking a beer was incredibly glamorous to kids. However once it was banned, even smokers realised it just meant spending the night in an acrid haze that made your eyes water, and your clothes stank the next morning.
You’ll never get through on a Saturday morning TV phone-in
You watched Going Live! religiously on Saturday and phoned in for every competition or opportunity to ask a shit band like Five Star an inane question. Each week you truly believed that this would be your day, but it never, ever was. To complete this hard lesson in life your mum shouted at you for calling premium rate numbers.
Pac-Man 2 wasn’t worth the wait
Having spent the 80s having the time of your life munching ghosts in Pac-Man, you thought Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures for the SNES would be an improvement on the classic. Unfortunately, they ruined it by giving Pac-Man emotions and a storyline, making the 14-year wait a terrible disappointment.
Having a computer in your pocket is a pain in the arse
Young people today have never known what it was like not to have a miniature computer constantly in their hand, so they don’t realise it hasn’t turned out as amazing as you imagined when you were a kid. You don’t use it to summon your hoverboard, you use it to read abuse on Twitter and be constantly pestered by friends, your partner and co-workers. Growing up is shit.