THE cost of living has skyrocketed, and many people need urgent government help. But is there any chance that your own shopping costing double is down to… you?
Do you normally do the household shopping?
A) Yes. I try and price-match items to see which supermarket gives the best value.
B) No. My partner does it. She says I can’t be trusted to stick to the list. What list? It takes the creativity out of shopping if you don’t come back with a £35 lobster that stays in the freezer for years then gets binned because I’ve realised it’s a faff to cook.
Do you fill a large trolley when a basket would do?
A) No. I estimate how many items I’ll be buying and use an appropriately sized carrier.
B) Always. You can’t ride on a basket. Although there need to be a lot of items in the trolley or it tips up.
Do you really need to only buy brands you’ve seen on TV?
A) No. I buy cheaper brands I don’t recognise if the product is similar.
B) Definitely. You don’t know what shit you’re buying if it hasn’t been tested by a reputable celebrity like Kerry Katona. Also my family might not love me if I don’t shop at a supermarket with adverts where everyone’s ecstatically happy about a pallid, flavourless, £2 chicken. Not that advertising affects me. I’m too clever for it to work.
Is it good economics to buy 24 discount yoghurts knowing they’ll be out of date tomorrow ?
A) No. it’s a waste of money. Just buy one.
B) Yes. It’s basic maths – the more you buy, the more you save. Tonight’s dinner will be an economical meal of five yoghurts and a bag of slimy salad. Anyway I got a brilliant deal on a impulse-buy bottle of cognac. That was only £40 because it was 50p off.
When are you going to use a long-handled hedge trimmer?
A) Never. That’s why I didn’t buy one.
B) As soon as I get a place with tall hedges. Or a garden. It was a bargain.
Mostly As: You’re acting responsibly and making the most of your money in these trying times. Good luck to you.
Mostly Bs: You are oblivious to the cost of living crisis. You spend in a reckless manner and will soon be deep in debt. Despite having shit for brains when it comes to money, you’d make an acceptable chancellor.