Morrissey sends angry open letter to Morrissey of 1983

MORRISSEY has launched an extraordinary broadside against his 1983 self, the lead singer of The Smiths.

After recently writing a similar ‘open letter’ to guitarist Johnny Marr, Morrissey has decided it is the ideal medium to convey his pomposity and unwavering sense of self-importance.

He alleged 1983 Morrissey was insufficiently anti-EU and had said unkind things about Margaret Thatcher, who talked a lot of sense, actually. He also accused his 1983 self of being too skinny and ‘flaunting your hips like a lady of the night’.

The letter read: “My mother always said ‘Don’t speak ill or the devil take the hindmost’ but I look at you and you’re a disgrace to sad, celibate losers in bedsits.

“I see you cavorting onstage with that dreadful, publicity-seeking little man Johnny Marr and that awful lefty group The Smiths, waving gladioli when you should be waving the Union Jack. 

“You sicken me with your depressing, stuck-in-the-50s, ‘I’ve got no friends’ schtick and hearing aid. A f**king hearing aid. Jesus, that was laying it on a bit thick.

“Thank goodness I got out of The Smiths. We all know my solo albums like Years of Refusal, Low in High School and I Am Not a Dog on a Chain will be remembered for decades, in fact centuries, after The Smiths are utterly forgotten.”

Morrissey of 1983 responded by sending an open letter to Johnny Marr telling him to give 2022 Morrissey a smack in the face.

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