Woman in leopard print top absolutely going to end up more pissed than her friends

WONDERING if you repulsed your date with your face and personality? If you hear any of these phrases, the answer is ‘yes’.

‘You’re great company’

Ouch. Don’t delete the dating apps anytime soon. This is a polite person’s way of saying ‘You’re not a bad person but I would rather die alone than shack up with you’. If they really liked you then they would have snogged you or invited you up for coffee at midnight. Better luck with the next person who accidentally swipes right on you.

‘Get home safely’

If you pay close attention you’ll notice there’s nothing in this farewell about meeting up again. No hint of where or when to meet, a complete absence of flirtation, and even their wishes of safety are probably half-hearted. This is an instruction to leave their presence immediately, which is odd because you’ve only been on the date for ten minutes.

‘I’ll call you’

You’ve hugged them, chickened out of giving them a kiss on the cheek, and then they say this. Score, right? You can strut home like the lothario you are. Wrong. Once home you’ll realise you didn’t exchange numbers, then notice their profile has mysteriously vanished from the dating app. Maybe they dropped their phone down the toilet. That must be it.

‘It was nice meeting you’

On the surface this sounds promising, except they’ve dropped an n-bomb. ‘Nice’ is the death knell for any potential romantic interest. It’s your date’s way of signalling that you’re inoffensive but boring, kind of like you’re the human equivalent of a Cool Original Dorito. Good enough if there’s nothing else, but everyone would prefer Tangy Cheese.

‘This was fun, we should do it again!’

This old line. Usually said by spineless dates as they scurry off home or slam their front door. Why can’t they say they had a miserable time in your tedious company to your face? You’re better off without these two-faced cowards. Delete any follow-up messages they may send about meeting up for a second date. It’s all lies.

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